scottish humour mpeg

army diary !'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet'

right before i start this diary,i can honestly say that during my 3 year posting in germany"this is where i had my funniest times"...i spent more time in jail than soldiering,even managed a 6 month tour in belfast,also one in canada,so on wae the diaries!!
!'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet'

the time had come too fly the nest" germany lock up your daughters",theres a rampant virgin heading your way"i ended up in a place called "bunde",17 years of age!(just a baby),and i loved every minute of it,from when we arrived at R.A.F guttersloh,to our wee bus ride to the camp,this was it man" my 1st time abroad,i wasnt in the camp an hour before i was dragged into the local town........oh my fuckin god" they had whore houses :-) :-) yessssssss(good bye virginity),for sure i was popping in there one day"my 1st week-end came around quick, and i couldnt wait to hit the local town,about 8 of us jumped into two taxis outside the main gate" hey" these german taxi drivers could move",before a knew it we were outside this night club,the german lassies were no bad apart fae having hairy armpits :-)(must be a german thing eh",they were all over us like a rash,a wasnt complaining,a just wanted ma end away :-),the guys that had been in bunde a while asked me if a wanted to visit a brothel........yeeeeeeee haaaaaaa,surely to god this was it,aldo de flowered...after another short taxi ride we arrived at a nightclub/brothel,in we went,and spent a good while in the disco part of it,i was so fuckin drunk...and couldnt even understand the basic lingo" tell a lie, can ich habbe ine grosse beir bitte(gimme a large beer :-)hey better than nowt eh"the lads ponted me in the direction of a red curtain in the middle of a wall" rite aldo this is it son"get in there ,get yir hole and get oot :-) a remember falling through this door arriving in this posh looking whore house.........hey a know it sounds a bit stupid but" this was new to me, i was a virgin remember,two lassies were around me like flies round a shit...you buy me "piccalo" u buy me "piccalo soldier"........... aye whatever a mumbled.....20 marks each they cost me (fuck sake)a was sat there half pished watching two lassies doing each other on a stage,and last thing a remember was some german whore asking me tae teach her english,fuck sake she was asking the wrong guy here.....if she wanted a permanent "stutter" then am her man :-),she took me in this room,and kept showing me condoms,vibrators the lot" wot u call these please she said in a freaky voice,........talk about embarrased,she kept filling my glass up with wine,and last thing i recall was being the laughing stock of the barracks................the guys that took me to the place,said they were wondering where i was when suddenly the red curtain comes flying open and there was me stood there, my boxers outside my jeans (like superman) my shirt inside out, and a sock and shoe missing......aldo your no fuckin real!!and surely if a did get my end away? i would a fuckin remembered it right??dirty cheatin bastards!!!, so as per usual a never lossed ma virginity that day"the day did eventually come or (cum), as my next diary explains ...........check back soon.aldo