| Stevie Wonder - Fo... |
Sunday, 11 March 2007
asian-slim-shady
Asian Slim Shady
Slim Shady meets Michael Jackson meets a bunch of University of Texas students meets WalMart meets insanity.
new army diary sunday....... this is a good one
absent without leave[A.W.O.L.]
yes! i was going on the run".back in the camp i had a room mate who came from manchester england,tommo his name was and this guy knew how to party . one week-end he asked me if i wanted to go to a beer festival in osnabruck,and promised me a good time with the women. my eyes lit up:-),ok beer fest it is,for those whom have never been to a beer fest,its just one big pish up,non stop beer,german folk dancing and "pussy galore".........a squadies dream!,we set off on a saturday morning and arrived in osnabruck,the beer festival was packed,and tommo dissapeared for about an hour,i was stood in this beer tent ogling this german girl behind the bar who had the longest fuckin legs i had ever seen,i looked at my watch,then her legs thinking"wonder what time they open!!!... i felt a tap on the shoulder ,turned around to see tommo stood there with two english girls either side off him" awrite aldo you got a table!?as the day went on"and the four of us getting totally drunk,we ended up back at one of there flats,yessss it ended up a foursome,and humped these women every position under the son,a was learning fast",in the mornin one of the girls asked me if a wanted to stay with her a while" fuckin yaldie",nae need tae ask aldo twice,she told me over the next few days that she was fuckin married and her man was in the army(fuck sake),he was serving 21 days in the army jail for smashing some guys face in a bar,fuck i can pick em...a knew the army would be out looking for me,and she came up wae a kool idea? lets dye ure hair aldo?for some reason ma hair ended up "orange" aye! wit a silly cow,a looked like sum idiot out the tango advert,after a week a riding her a finally decided enuff was enuff and was gonna hand myself in....i arrived back at camp on a monday morning and walked straight passed the guardhouse barriers as if i hadnt been away!,i could hear the whole camp marching away on the drill square,and made my way heading for my block! when i heard this voice scream out!" watsonnnnn what the fuck",get ure fuckin arse over here "pronto"and this wee orange headed scotch kid sticks his middle finger up and blarts oot "go fuck urself" sarg............. oh..oh!!!ma feet never touched the ground as i was dragged into the commanding officers room."name rank and number" the bald headed wee bastart shouted",a hated the fucker wae a vengance,and told him aswell too go take two fucks tae himself".....21 days jail the shite gave me :-O.a spent the first two days in jail in the camp, then was being moved to some place near osnabruck<---- aye the name rang a fuckin bell,the prison was being run bye the scots guards and was well known as the jail from hell,the sargeant even escorted me overe there in a landrover just tae make sure the bastarts treated me like shit,on arriving at there camp,a had about 3 guys shouting and screaming in ma fuckin earhole,quick march" double time" my sargeant stood there wae a big grin on his face(sarcy twat)..aye watson this will teach u a lesson he says" (yawn),he quickly dissapeared back to bunde camp leaving me behind in colditz castle wae the mad jocks.a settled in after a few days and met a few of the other inmates,wan day a was chatting away tae this guy.......heres the convo.................guy: awrite bud,wit u in for?aldo: 21 days for going awol,you?guy: me as well 21 days for smashing a guys face in a bar brawl"aldo: fuckin bummer man!guy: tell you what mate a cant wait tae get outta here i got a score tae settle"aldo: oh aye" u ok mate?guy:---------> naw sum guy has been shagging ma wife whilst av been banged up"ma neighbours been tellin me there was a guy living there fur a weekaldo: (thinks to himself")....holly fuck! surely not!..it canny be.............the guy was well excited as he was telling me he had a week-end visit from his wife.a saturday morning arrived,and i was in the guardroom polishing the floor when in walked this lassie",am here to see my husband she said",a turned around tae see her kissing her husband on the lips",she turned at the same time as me!...............ohhh my ffffffffffffffukin god",it was only the lassie i had "humped" for a week,either this guy was thick or fuckin stupid!!.....a just burst out laffing as the two off them passed me in the guardroom.......little did he know i was the phantom "fucker"....the guy who was busy humping his wife :-)ALDO :p
yes! i was going on the run".back in the camp i had a room mate who came from manchester england,tommo his name was and this guy knew how to party . one week-end he asked me if i wanted to go to a beer festival in osnabruck,and promised me a good time with the women. my eyes lit up:-),ok beer fest it is,for those whom have never been to a beer fest,its just one big pish up,non stop beer,german folk dancing and "pussy galore".........a squadies dream!,we set off on a saturday morning and arrived in osnabruck,the beer festival was packed,and tommo dissapeared for about an hour,i was stood in this beer tent ogling this german girl behind the bar who had the longest fuckin legs i had ever seen,i looked at my watch,then her legs thinking"wonder what time they open!!!... i felt a tap on the shoulder ,turned around to see tommo stood there with two english girls either side off him" awrite aldo you got a table!?as the day went on"and the four of us getting totally drunk,we ended up back at one of there flats,yessss it ended up a foursome,and humped these women every position under the son,a was learning fast",in the mornin one of the girls asked me if a wanted to stay with her a while" fuckin yaldie",nae need tae ask aldo twice,she told me over the next few days that she was fuckin married and her man was in the army(fuck sake),he was serving 21 days in the army jail for smashing some guys face in a bar,fuck i can pick em...a knew the army would be out looking for me,and she came up wae a kool idea? lets dye ure hair aldo?for some reason ma hair ended up "orange" aye! wit a silly cow,a looked like sum idiot out the tango advert,after a week a riding her a finally decided enuff was enuff and was gonna hand myself in....i arrived back at camp on a monday morning and walked straight passed the guardhouse barriers as if i hadnt been away!,i could hear the whole camp marching away on the drill square,and made my way heading for my block! when i heard this voice scream out!" watsonnnnn what the fuck",get ure fuckin arse over here "pronto"and this wee orange headed scotch kid sticks his middle finger up and blarts oot "go fuck urself" sarg............. oh..oh!!!ma feet never touched the ground as i was dragged into the commanding officers room."name rank and number" the bald headed wee bastart shouted",a hated the fucker wae a vengance,and told him aswell too go take two fucks tae himself".....21 days jail the shite gave me :-O.a spent the first two days in jail in the camp, then was being moved to some place near osnabruck<---- aye the name rang a fuckin bell,the prison was being run bye the scots guards and was well known as the jail from hell,the sargeant even escorted me overe there in a landrover just tae make sure the bastarts treated me like shit,on arriving at there camp,a had about 3 guys shouting and screaming in ma fuckin earhole,quick march" double time" my sargeant stood there wae a big grin on his face(sarcy twat)..aye watson this will teach u a lesson he says" (yawn),he quickly dissapeared back to bunde camp leaving me behind in colditz castle wae the mad jocks.a settled in after a few days and met a few of the other inmates,wan day a was chatting away tae this guy.......heres the convo.................guy: awrite bud,wit u in for?aldo: 21 days for going awol,you?guy: me as well 21 days for smashing a guys face in a bar brawl"aldo: fuckin bummer man!guy: tell you what mate a cant wait tae get outta here i got a score tae settle"aldo: oh aye" u ok mate?guy:---------> naw sum guy has been shagging ma wife whilst av been banged up"ma neighbours been tellin me there was a guy living there fur a weekaldo: (thinks to himself")....holly fuck! surely not!..it canny be.............the guy was well excited as he was telling me he had a week-end visit from his wife.a saturday morning arrived,and i was in the guardroom polishing the floor when in walked this lassie",am here to see my husband she said",a turned around tae see her kissing her husband on the lips",she turned at the same time as me!...............ohhh my ffffffffffffffukin god",it was only the lassie i had "humped" for a week,either this guy was thick or fuckin stupid!!.....a just burst out laffing as the two off them passed me in the guardroom.......little did he know i was the phantom "fucker"....the guy who was busy humping his wife :-)ALDO :p
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