army diary update part 5

well,well!,who would have thought that this wee stuttering scottish kid would make it through 10 weeks of shear hell,the army had turned me intae a lean"mean"fighting machine" (aye right),i decided to give the army life a go,and who wouldnt!,there was fuck all in my home town tae go back to,wishaw was a shithole in crisis, no jobs nothing,so the day arrived"passing out parade",proud mums and dads sat in the crowds watching there wee sons (whom they hadnt seen for ten weeks) parade up and down a drill square for half an hour...and wheres ma parents? nae where",as per usual a was on ma own"billy bates"nae fuckin mates:-),at the end of the day,we were being given two weeks leave!,so i had no choice but to go back home tae wishaw. me and a few other scottish lads headed for london, and boarded the train for glasgow,and as usual hit the booze bar:-) and merrily got pished"hey we had money to burn",the army had deducted so much fae oor wages till we passed out,and i was gonna make sure i had a good time,afore a headed back tae aldershot for driver training"aye,i was gonna be driver "watson" :-).after saying ma goodbyes tae ma m8s at queen street station ,i boarded another heading for "wishaw",a even managed to put my dress uniform on"hey a felt proud"finally boarding a bus for "coltness",it was late in the afternoon as a walked up coldstream crescent" all the neighbours were lookin oot there windows giving me a wee wave......some came to there doors tae welcome me back "awrite alan"that you a soldier noo eh" (duh"rite enuff mum was on the doorstep ,as she was the day i left to join up,"welcome back son she said"..........it felt strange",ma younger brother stephen hadnt changed,the first thing he said was "got any money alan" .a even went over tae duncan cambells corner shop tae say hello,he was still the same"a grumpy old bastart",he never forgot aboot the time a stole sweets fae his shop:-),and who was behind the till? helen blevins" a fancied her afore a joined up,and couldnae believe ma eyes....she had "tits" and hadnt they grown!!(hey am only human"....the army was turning me intae an agressive drunk,every bit a spare time a had was spent in the pub.saturday morning had arrived and a called a few mates tae catch up on old times,billy steele was one,and we met up in the coltness hotel,that eded up an allday boozing session,eventually a had tae head home"i was drunk as a skunk,so there was aldo staggering up coltness road and managed tae make it tae duncans shop,staggered in demanding a carry out. he pointed me in the direction of ma house and a walked clingin on tae the garages,a could see mums house across the road!,her wee low fence around the front garden,and decided i was gonna jump it(fuck the gate) that was to easy :-),so i started running towards the fence,yeeee haaaaa"up i went cliping my foot on the fence sending me head first intae her pampas grass(oops),ma cans a beer battered off the pavement as ma mum was looking through the blinds screaming!! ya fuckin drunken bum,just like yir father,get in here ure pure showin me up (hahaha) urggggg,awrite maw" a stuttered out :-),scotlands shit a said".she sat me in a chair giving me a lecture",a want sumthing tae eat a demanded!,a thot she was gonna punch ma head in :-O,"make it yirsell she said "am noo ure servent"she stormed off up the stairs,and a headed fur the kitchen,the last thing a remember was ma maw wakening me up,calling me all the bastards under the son!she told me in the morning that i had gone into the kitchen opened a tin a beans,and sat it on the cooker,turned the ring on and fell asleep on the work top (tut tut),yir noo on excersize noo she shouted!.......a decided to head back tae aldershot early,and a never even got a look at helen blevens "tits"thats life eh"....pop back soon