wae to go guy

this guy takes the oppertunity live on air to tell his girlfriend something

planes,trains and automobiles

this has too be the most funniest clip i ever came across click here

good morning

omg its thurday already,doesnt time fly when your having fun, hope your enjoying the fun stuff added to this blog, whilst im on the subject click here.......... this is soo funny


joker

the mystery off britneys breasts

see it here

use condoms

flinstones animation? lmao

and u thot harry the fuckin hamster was bad? meet lenny

back to the "fatherland"

what havent a done?

ive been there" got the teashirt,read the fuckin book.., it came to the stage in the army when enough was enough,a tried every trick in the book to get booted out,constantly going a.w.o.l,humping a sargeants daughter,even tried doin maself in (true),and am still here" canny even get that right" and will type that diary after this hillarious one"after ma tour in canada a arrived back in sunny bunde(germany),and was promised a posting off my choice,hey" a put in for Qcar driver in canada,driving about officers all day long" and did a get it? no fuckin chance,me and ma mates were lookin on the postings board and where did a get?......... the worse place in britain" catterick garrison".aye a right shithole of a place in yorkshire,a remember going into the commanding officers office and him sat there telling me where am going ,with a big smirk on his face he said" right watson" a know what your trying to do,and" it aint gonna work son,no one works there ticket in the army"(how fuckin wrong he was") before going back to england a had a short posting to osnabruck,another transport regiment whom were re-locating to catterick",so......... it was all planned by the army to teach me a lesson"this bastard had it in for me....so what do u do?? go fuckin a.w.o.l (again) :-) yup" dont let the fuckers grind u down aldo,a packed ma kit bag and went to the bundesbank(the bank that likes to say "yes" asked for a loan",and the fuckers said "no chance".......a had enough deutchmarks to get me to the "hook van holland",a actually hitched a lift from germany right doon tae holland and got a ticket heading for harwich(england),this diary is a 100% true"so theres me on the ferry waving "ta fuckin ta" to germany,and a meets up wae a load a soldiers going on leave,we got totally pissed in the bar,a have never drank so much in ma life as a did that day(lying bastard aldo),& never even put ma hand in ma pocket.last thing a remember about that event was being carried to a bunk,and several hours later wakening up".......... yay" am in england"................or?fuckin wakening up to find that a had slept through the visit to harwich and where was a?back in the hook van holland...yep" a had slept through the stop and ended up where a fuckin started........(nae luck aldo).so back to the camp a headed,and eventually re-locating to catterick garrison.a had to get the fuck outa this army life man,it was doing ma head in,the first week-end leave arrived and was asked by a room mate if a wanted tae go tae "coventry",hey anywheres fuckin better than catterick,so" a agreed and headed doon the m6,a had a brilliant week-end in coventry,he took me to a pub where we met up with his girlfriend and her mate(3 legs),aye true" she had a huge "great dane" that had a leg missing,she asked me if a wanted to come roon her house on the saturday" me being the gent that a am agreed,a turned up aboot ten in the mornin,had a couple a coffees and she asked me if a wanted to take the dog for a walk" aye sure a said"...so theres me out walkin the mutt and spots a pub :-) ah "fuck it" a walks in for a quick pint wae the mutt,every ones well amused wae the 3 legged dog and a ends up letting it drink beer out a huge ashtray""the fuckin thing ended up drinking me under the table" matching me "pint for pint"have you ever seen a drunk great dane"?well, me and this girls mutt crawls back to her house and a spotted her stood at the door wae her parents wondering where the fuck weve been for the last 3 hours(burp),the dog was actually leaning against the wall walkin up her drive way,was a popular? no chance man,we stummbled in her house and the dog puked all over the cream carpet""read about a.l.d.o.s last rights"" coming shortly!!!

canada part two(the hidden diary)

well i promised you all an exclusive" so here we go",here i was sat in this pool hall where i had previously kicked "tontos ass",the owner arrived" she was aboot 40+ a nice lookin bird,at the end of the night she asked me to stop behind fur a late night drink",who um a tae fuckin argue??its free:-)beer on tap all night& into the early morning,i was sat at this table with her local friends (a lock in),a was just a wee innocent scottish kid who never took any shite,a was praised for it left right and centre,and she had a body tae die fur" trust me:-)later into the morning she asked me if a wanted to go back tae her place fur a drink(fuck the camp) a was on a high),she led me outside intae her souped up transam" aye it was the bees knees,black in colour...woooo hooooooo,we arrived at this posh looking pad,she reached over the passenger seat,kissing me and said" u ok jock".aye nae bother doll a said"..mon upstairs i take a look at that!......i was like a fuckin ferret doon a rabbit hole",ma feet never touched the stairway as a floated up her stairs:-)she led me into her living room,a threw maself back on a chair,thinking to maself" hope its worth it aldo" a was due back at the camp on the following week,shall a go a.w.o.l again?her phone was ringing non stop" she asked me if her friend could come around for a drink?,not ma pad doll its ures" aye sure invite her around,after a few more drinks her mate arrives,noo bad lookin? ive threw better back in the sea?here is aldo sat between two wimmen,oblivious to the fact that they both want humped"u ever snorted alan?,,,,,,,,em,um" aye fuckin sure"(lying bastard") were they talkin aboot coke?a was in shock as they fetched out a mirror,and continued to put lines a white stuff onto the mirror!......... ok alan ure 1st?a hadnt a fuckin clue! a had never seen the stuff before ,never mind snort it"theres me tryin tae play it nice n kool,she passes me a rolled up note? dick head here--->aldo thinks its a fuckin ciggy,puts it too ma mouth saying "aye go on then ,light me up (laffin ma arse aff),the two lassies just pissed there self laffin,a then admited a had never done the stuff before,she then splits the lines intae aboot 4/5 rows? and shows me how its done?aldo the greedy bastard snorts aboot 4 lines in wan go?,a woke up later wae wan lassie on top and the other on ma face,wowwwww a must a done summit right,pure extacy,last thing a remember was wakening up in the jail back in camp?here is the story,they dropped me off on the monday back at camp,i went to my dorm fell asleep wae a ciggy and set the billet alight?,went ootside,spotted a gopher on the prairie,and chased it? i was found 48 hours later on the tank ranges,de hydrated,exhausted,and suffering wae heatstroke?,only wae a got away with it was "ma drink was spiked"?

new army diary (joker does canada lmfao

ok i know u all wanna read aboot ma life stories (hillarious as they are),well" here is a diary i can never forget~!!,after doing a 6 month tour in ireland,i arrived back in germany . put ma hands up for a 6 month tour a canada,a mean come on! who the fuck in there right mind widdnae,it was summer over there,i had never seen abroad apart fae the "fatherland" germany"., ma furthest a ever went fae wishaw was blackpool in the summer:-),compliments of hutchie buses in overtown...so..... i arrived in sunny "calgary" aye" u know the place" where "eddie" the wank eagle, made his mark,so i creamed it in man!,they loved the scottish accent over there,ok a still had a wee bit ae a stutter but a was getin there :-)a was there to support a tank regiment,and if a remember the camp a was in, was being run by the notorious "blackwatch",a brilliant scottish regiment,a later found out to my advantage,hey"they look after there own;-)..., the camp a was in was brilliant,a coudnt get over why the canadians had chips fur breakfast,a brunch they called it,fuk sake steak,eggs,chips fur breakfast? aldo u fat bastart ,a piled the weight on,soon lost the cunt tho?,read on.......like a said it was summer over there,and we had a two week r&r coming up, me and a few mates decided we were heading fur a place called "medicine hat",the army pay officer gave us loads a dollars tae spend",ma 1st day in medicine hat went well(not).we arrived in the wee toon aboot mid-day,a was the 1st wan tae notice they were all indians,we went intae this pool hall,(aldo being a hustler),& racked up a few pool games,...hey!!.its aldos round,as a made ma wae tae the bar and this lassie was sat there giving me huge smiles :-) :-) :-)ok a know a had a good sun tan,but she says" hey" what tribe are you from???,pissin maself laffin a was,"sorry doll "but am noo in a tribe?,next minute she slaps me aroon the head,and shouts tae some asshole in the corner,whos aboot 6ft plus",he slithers up the bar screaming at me,dressed in proper indian shit!,cowboy boots,&a stupit fuckoff hat on ,wae a feather hangin fae it!............,hey aldo noo put up wae nae shito :-)a made ma wae back tae the pool tables,still laffin,set the table up fir another game,as this giant kept walkin roon the table and pickin the black ball up? mumblin tae himself,"ma table its ma table"...................................he "who dares wins" aldo", by that time a was gettin so fucked off wae the dummy,the bar staff were warning us, he was a "nutjob", obviously he hadnt met aldo(hahaha),a went to take a shot and the muppet picked the white ball up!....lets call it a day ma mate said!!............ aye so a fuckin will? a looked at ma mate" and said" when a say move? get the fuck oot the way?,a grabbed the pool cue ,turned it around so the big butt end was at the bottom&screamed!!!!right fuckin move bud", ma mate shifted tae wan end as a wrapped this cue around the indians neck..............////////////wooooooooooo take that "bitch :-)"fuck sake" the cue snapped across his head and the big bastard was still stood there!!!the white baw dissapeared in his hand as he followed through, catching me straight in the face,his hands were that big a never seen it,a must a went 6 foot across the floor"talk aboot seeing stars*********,the big bastard had split ma lip,blood spurtin oot every where,the bar staff run over , and hes still screaming!! gonna kill u gonna kill u"(laffin ma ass off at fuckin "robocop",a was injured,blood running down ma shirt,the lassie fae the bar takes me intae the toilet to clean me up" a was a sorry site,split lip,headache,and wanted revenge!!wow she said"u gotta lotta "spunk" facing up to him"------------> gotta lotta spunk aye:-),a was sat in the toilet seat resting ma wounds and she says,"hes still there waitin for you?....kool a says" can u do me a favour?? sure she says"..............aldo<---.anychance u kin fetch me two balls in from a table??she arrives back,bewildered. a took ma sock off" stuck the balls in ma sock tied a knot in them and wrapped it round ma hand(seen it in a movie called "scum"a walked out the toilet to see the fanny stood there wae a grin on his face?.... a was just aboot tae wipe it off:-)u had enough brit he said"...... naw! fuck face!!!! as a let it rip wae ma right hand,catching him square across the head"....... yyeeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaa,he hit the deck like a bag a shit"trust me"if he never felt it? ma mum did in scotland" it echoed around the pool hall.whos the daddy noo"tonto" as a screamed in his face.........,a was the local hero",this barmaid arrived again and said" hey the boss is on wae over she wants a word?wanna know what she said??tuff? read ma next diary""a.l.d.o

hangover from hell

yes its sunday i think (lol).......geeze av i got a hangover :-S..been on the booze all dae yesterdae and now am fuckin suffering........its now 08:40am im in a trance. dont even know wot the fuck im doing in here hahaha. i got 8 bottles a bud in the fridge........... hmm du i go get one? nooooooooo joker noooooooooo , i get them laterz :) i just got one thing to say to all you good looking ladies who visit my site.... yes you!! u know who u are so without further adue click this

tits_ringtone.mp3

hmmmmmm

belfast part two army diary update

right then readers",back to the 6 month tour in ireland?,well, it fuckin sucked". theres me thinking am stayin in belfast when,boom" a ended up in,armagh,bessbrook,and the notorious "crossmaglen*bandit country*,for fuck sake it was not my war,a was just a puppet,a remember the first time arriving in crossmaglen(bye helicopter) fuck drivin in there :-(. ma 1st patrol of the hell hole arrived and remember leaving the wee camp under darkness.. i was driving a saracen armoured vehicle(above left) ,if u kin drive these things? u kin drive anything,left the camp and wasnt allowed tae drive wae the head lights on,i was driving in shear darkness, a had to go bye the guys instructions whom was in a turret at the top of the vehicle,theres me sat there staring oot a wee square window,canny see a fuckin thing, when a hears through ma helmet" left aldo left" oops!!! afore a knew it a had taken the side of a car off....hey!! am noo fuckin stoppin tae check oot the damage:-),a liked ma head(withoot bullet holes!...,finally arriving back in the camp fae hell wae ma life still intact..the mornin arrived,as a looked out across crossmaglen square,it was the first time a had seen it in daylight,,,,,,,,,,,whit a shit hole,there was this white hotel across the other end wae aboot 500 bullet holes in the front of it!...oh my fuckin god"(welcome tae hell),the bullet holes were from the guys on guard duty high up in a sanger lookin across the square,and wen a bullet was fired across to oor camp! they let it rip wae a machine gun."first thing on ma mind was: "im a celebrity soldier"get me the fuck oota here"ma six month tour in ireland flashed bye,and was on my wae back to germany,at least a had wan good thing tae look forward to? aldo was off to canada for another six month tour:-) supporting the tank regiment:-),this was a good tour,till i ended up in jail again....why???well u will just have tae wait to the next diary.....its a hoot"" a.l.d.o does "calgary" in more waes than wan? ma 1st 3 in a bed :-)

check back soon....aldo...

my perfect pool partner :p~~~

animation......... kool.... red light green light

britney spears!!!

i shaved my head for you ........ click here

bush and blair

new army diary(the tour of belfast)

well i managed to make it through my wee jail sentance in osnabruck wae ma face intact,arrived back in bunde camp and told to settle down, a was still only 17 and a half . i met up with my mates in the naffi bar after release,there all sweating coz a 6 month tour of ireland was coming up,nae need for me tae sweat u had to be 18 to enter service over there..........."unless".....your names alan fuckin watson,the most unluckiest bastard in germany,there was us sat in the bar minding our own buisness when in walks the sargeant" . awrite guys i got a list here for ireland,we quickly ran over,our eyes peering up and down the list"yes!!! am noo on it :-)he then points tae me and says hey watson if my sums are right u would be 18 in august right?aye so a said"...........right come wae me the commanding officer wants you!(fuckkkkk) wit nooa marches ootside his office and the sarg enters telling me tae wait there,5 mins later am called in to see him sat there wae the telephone in his hands"...ah" watson just the man,a got someone on the phone for you"...............so a takes the phone oot his hands ,puts it tae ma ear only to hear ma mums voice in scotland".........awrite son,just had your officer on the phone there ,a hope you enjoy the 6 months in ireland!!!.....wit!!!,a couldnae believe it",she had just signed me up for six months in ireland,wit a bummer,there was me arguing the toss why a canny go ,and hes sat there pishing him self laffing,ure goin he says ,as long as a had ure mums say so.....cheers maw" after a few months northern ireland training it was off to belfast(moscow camp) 1980 a think,what a shit hole",wasnt even aloud out the camp unless a was on a mission,the only good times we had was a saturday night when we had a camp disco,so funny"3 lorries used tae go tae belfast docs tae pic up a load a women and fetch them back intae camp,a had seen some dogs in ma time,but some a these were just pure bow wows,a wasnt touching none a them.a was sat in my room wan sunday when in walks this officer"right am looking for a volounter"watson ull do!.........get some civilian clothes on and go to the armoury and sign out two pistols,geeze was this guy serious....my 1st undercover op :-)..i had to take this officer into armagh,driving a civilian vehicle and armed to the teeth,a had a pistol either side of my chest underneath my jacket. here i am driving this officer through the back streets and country lanes when we came around a sharp bend to find 60 maybe seventy people running around the vehicle,talk aboot crap maself,the officer was like" cam doon watson"cam doon"...........cam doon ma arse,a grabbed a browning 9mm from under ma jacket and cocked the fucker(haha),one round in the chamber a was ready for anything,the officer was nearly begging me tae put it away(shite bag"),minutes later were still driving doon this hill when the officer screams"" its only a bowls game there playing"phewwwww",neadless tae say he never asked me for an escort again.....aldo

go on stevie :d

Stevie Wonder - Fo...

carling